Archive for the ‘Caregiver Support’ Category
Posted on June 6, 2013 - by Nurse Virginia
ELDERLY WITH MEMORY LOSS NEED CAREGIVER WITH SENSE OF HUMOR
No one could remember what they ordered and the waitress was getting impatient
They were five for lunch, four elderly ladies with significant memory loss and their caregiver. The caregiver read the menu and ordering went just fine. Chicken salad, BLT sandwich with fries a cheeseburger, all the usual lunch at the diner orders. The problem came when the waitress returned with the order and said “Who ordered the BLT with fries,” and no one remembered.
At first there was an awkward moment while the group was feeling some pressure from the waitress to claim their meals. Then the caregiver started to giggle and pretty soon all the ladies were giggling and then laughing out loud. A moment that could have been difficult, hurtful and embarrassing was not only averted, but turned into a comfortable bonding moment for the group. Even the ladies who did not realize what the “joke” was, could join in the laughter of the group at the table.
The significant person in this scenario was the thoughtful and aware caregiver. The giggle was the cue to the ladies that, we aren’t going to take this too seriously. The giggle said to the ladies “No harm done, if this is the worst thing that happens today, what a great day.” And all the ladies were looking to the caregiver for many cues that day in the diner. Cues can come in the form of smiling while you engage in pleasant table conversation. Cues can be related to dining and the right utensils to use and where to put your napkin. But the cue the elder with memory loss needs the most, is how to react when something goes wrong.
Laughter is said to be a great “self-care tool” for caregivers
The role of caregiver is so difficult that a caregiver with a great sense of humor will be less stressed by the little things. Laughter can fight off the effects of stress and create a more positive attitude towards life. As an unknown author once said:
“To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that’s ok because you’ll be a mile away from him and you’ll have his shoes.”
Virginia Garberding, R.N.
Director of Education, The Wealshire, Lincolnshire, Illinois
Author: Please Get To Know Me – Aging with Dignity and Relevance
Posted on March 27, 2013 - by Nurse Virginia
TAKING A BREAK FROM CAREGIVING – FOR THE ELDER WITH ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE
Taking a break, respite for a few hours, a few days or a few weeks.
Other words for respite are reprieve or pause, what caregiver doesn’t need a reprieve? A change, a break for both the caregiver as well as the elder with Alzheimer’s disease. The most beneficial respite care is probably a combination of a plan for taking breaks during the day as well as for a longer planned vacation,
Benefits of respite for the elder.
When the elder goes to a day-care community, it provides them with an opportunity for socialization. A chance to get out of the house and see different people, but in a safe environment. An opportunity, to participate in activities and exercise with other elders with like abilities.
It also is an opportunity for the elder to be observed by health care professionals, who may note changes that need to be communicated to the physician. If the elder likes to walk or wander it may be an opportunity for a larger area to wander in. While helping the elder get rid of pent up energy by walking it off.
Respite in the home may be provided by family, friends as well as health care professionals. Having a health care professional come in the home and provide personal hygiene while the caregiver gets a break helps the elder feel less of a burden.
Benefits for the caregiver.
The benefits are many as long as the caregiver knows that the confused elder is safe and well taken care of during the respite.
It might just mean having someone in the home for short periods so the caregiver can do chores around the house. Go out and do errands, have lunch with friends, get a hair cut or see a movie.
Everyone needs and deserves a break. Many times the problem is just having the caregiver give themselves the permission to take some R & R.
Virginia Garberding RN
Director of Education, The Wealshire, Lincolnshire, Illinois
Author: Please Get To Know Me – Aging with Dignity and Relevance
Posted on February 21, 2013 - by Nurse Virginia
STAYING PART OF THE FAMILY CAREGIVING TEAM WHEN LIVING FAR AWAY
Barb and her two sisters were in the habit of taking time at their annual get together to compare notes on Mom and Dads current daily function. Her sister Alice lived the closest to Mom and Dad and so these get togethers usually revolved around; receiving information from Alice, offering suggestions and giving support.
Barb truly felt sad that she lived several states away and could only rush in now and again, do a few things and then of course just as suddenly, she had to leave. She always felt guilty and like she was dumping her responsibility on her sister Alice.
Barb started to think about what she could do, even if she was far away. She contacted a cleaning service and arranged for house cleaning twice a month for her parents as well as for Alice. Barb contacted a home delivery grocery chain and started some deliveries to her parents, especially of items that she felt would be easy to prepare.
As time went on Barb realized that she could be not only very involved, but an important member of the team, now caring for her parents. By this participation her suggestions would always be welcomed by her sister who continued to shoulder the bulk of the responsibility. Now she was not just contributing lip service, but she was acknowledging how hard these changes were and how hard this job was, for those loved ones so far away.
Virginia Garberding RN
Author: Please Get To Know Me – Aging with Dignity and Relevance
Posted on November 14, 2012 - by Nurse Virginia
NOVEMBER NATIONAL CAREGIVER MONTH –EVEN WHEN IN A NURSING HOME YOUR ELDERLY PARENT CAN STILL MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY
PART II
“Are you leaving already?” My Mother ended every visit with those words, no matter how long I was there visiting, the last words I heard were always “Are you leaving already?”
Then I had an idea – if Mom had something she was going to, looked forward to, wanted to do, it would be easier for her to say “goodbye.” I had been taking Mom to eat in the main dining room, thinking she would enjoy ordering from a menu and seeing different people for a change. But then I realized that Mom no longer could really see her surroundings, and no longer really knew anyone in that area of the nursing community. Now, she really enjoyed eating in the Health Care center where she lived and missed the friends she ate with when she wasn’t there.
Instead of going to the dining room, what she really enjoyed was having me come, spend time visiting and reading to her from her favorite book Heaven by Randy Alcorn. So I started coming earlier, and spending more time before the noon meal – then when it is time to eat lunch she is eager to go to the dining room, see her friends she always sits with and have her lunch. This makes saying goodbye so much easier, and I leave with a smile on my face, because there is a smile on her face.
Guilt –Nursing Home Placement
Many times families are uncertain about their roles as caregivers after admission to a Nursing Home. When decisions and direct care tasks are transferred to the responsibility of the facility the family caregiver can easily feel guilty. Many times how they feel is determined by the amount of support they feel from the Nursing Home staff. If the family is included in decision making and considered part of the team, instead of made to feel they are in the way, the family member can continue to feel useful and needed.
Feeling like you are an important member of the care team, replaces feelings of guilt
- Get to know people – join a family council or family support group. I know several people who years after the loss of their loved one, continue to get together with members of the family support group. They still value those people who supported them when they needed it the most.
- Attend any educational opportunities offered at the Nursing Facility.
- Ask the Administrator if the facility has a “wish list” of things they need. Then spearhead an effort to help the facility get those “would be nice to have” items.
Virginia Garberding, R.N.
Author: Please Get To Know Me – Aging with Dignity and Relevance
Posted on November 13, 2012 - by Nurse Virginia
NOVEMBER IS NATIONAL CAREGIVER MONTH – GUILT IS THE GIFT THAT JUST KEEPS GIVING
PART I
Caregivers often experience great frustration, anger, depression and guilt in response to the stress of caring for those with a chronic illness.
Although countless situations can induce guilt, a few examples can illustrate common dilemmas:
- The daughter of a person with Alzheimer’s disease works a full-time job in addition to caring for her spouse and three children. She spends every Saturday helping her parents. On leaving for her home, she is distraught as both parents plead for her to spend more time with them.
- The son of a person with dementia begins to argue with his mother who is acting irrationally and ends up slapping her. He quickly realizes that his mother has a brain disorder and cannot control her behavior.
- The husband arranges for his wife with Alzheimer’s disease to attend adult day care a few times per week. In her absence, he is unable to relax or participate in enjoyable activities.
- The wife of a person with dementia had promised her husband and herself that she would never place him in a nursing home. After several exhausting years of home care, she places him in a facility.
In some cases guilt may serve a useful function; but persistent guilt can become a crippling problem for caregivers. Such guilt usually stems from unrealistic expectations put on oneself. Despite unbearable conditions, some caregivers expect that they can handle any problem that comes their way. Instead of freely choosing such challenges, they become caught in a trap of thinking they “should” or “ought to” be able to meet all the needs all the time When guilt becomes a dominant motive in the caregiver role, help is clearly indicated.
For ways to stop the cycle of guilt – see tomorrow’s “Guilt-Busters”
Virginia Garberding, R.N.
Director of Education The Wealshire
Author: Please Get To Know Me – Aging with Dignity and Relevance
Posted on November 12, 2012 - by Nurse Virginia
NOVEMBER – NATIONAL FAMILY CAREGIVER MONTH
CAREGIVERS NEED TO PROTECT THEIR BACKS
Whether you are a family caregiver or are paid to care for an elderly person. Taking care of yourself is as important as the care you are giving. Taking care of your back is of the utmost importance to you as well as the person you care for. This is the only back you will ever have, and it has to serve you for the rest of your life. Many people who have back injuries will suffer the rest of their lives.
It has become more and more common for families caring for parents in the home to now use a mechanical lift. Nursing Communities have found that using mechanical lifts to transfer patients not only protects both the patient and the caregiver. But, also gives the patient an added sense of security when transferring.
From -The National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health
Using a mechanical lift benefits the caregiver by:
- Reduced risk of injury
- Increased morale
- Injured caregivers less likely to be re-injured
- Caregivers can work to an older age
- Caregivers have more energy
- Caregivers have less pain and muscle fatigue
- Improved job satisfaction
There are many companies that now offer all levels of mechanical lifts – for the home, for people that can stand, people that no longer stand and people of different weights.
Get some “expert” help when picking out a lift and learning to use it.
Make a connection with your local Nursing Facility – tour a few, and find a good match for you. I have had families contact me when experiencing problems caring for a parent at home. I then have made arrangements with one of our long-term, very experienced caregivers to go to the home, evaluate the needs and assist the family in the purchase of a piece of equipment as well as training the family in the use of the equipment. Training is a very important part of the use of any kind of transfer equipment.
Protect your back so that you can continue to be the caregiver your elder deserves.
Virginia Garberding R.N.
Director of Education, The Wealshire, Lincolnshire, Illinois
Author: Please Get To Know Me- Aging with Dignity and Relevance
Posted on October 4, 2012 - by Nurse Virginia
CAREGIVING STRESS–CAREING FOR THE CONFUSED ELDER THE HARDEST JOB
(PART III)
Feeling helpless and powerless is the biggest cause of stress. Any situation, no matter how bad, is more tolerable and less stressful when you feel you can do something about it, even when doing something may mean changing yourself instead of the situation.
Making your lists of the positives and negatives in your life gives you the chance to take a look at what improves your health and wellness and what is draining your health and adding to your stress. Your lists should be an ever changing exercise in identifying the good, bad and the ugly in your life.
High stress levels will take your health, making you feel hopeless. Some of the things that are known to increase stress; smoking, chronic pain, eating junk food, alcohol, lack of sleep, taking prescription medications, feelings of despair, coffee, money problems, lack of exercise and fresh air, worry, overwork, and sickness – need I add caregiving?
What you eat can either be part of the problem or part of the solution. When caregiving it is necessary to provide your body with building blocks to health, not tear down the last drop of health you have through poor food choices. Many times an elderly person enters a nursing facility because the health of the caregiver failed.
A good rule of thumb is to start with eliminating white things from your diet; flour, sugar, white potatoes, white rice, and pasta. So many people are now found to be intolerant to gluten; becoming gluten free is almost the new popular thing. Surprisingly it only takes 3 days of being gluten free to no longer crave flour products. Sugar is much harder taking a good three weeks of being sugar free to no longer crave sugar.
A good place to start on your journey to better health through diet is any book by Dr. Joel Fuhrman. When it comes to stress I recommend Adrenal Fatigue by Dr. James Wilson. Dr. Wilson will tell you that while it may be very nice to just go to bed until your adrenals have healed, for most people this is not possible or practical.
I just took a look at my list after a long work day and think I will eat a nice big salad and then go for a drive to see the changing fall colors.
Virginia Garberding R.N.
Director of Education, The Wealshire, Lincolnshire, Illinois
Author: Please Get To Know Me – Aging with dignity and Relevance
Posted on October 3, 2012 - by Nurse Virginia
CAREGIVING STRESS-CARING FOR THE CONFUSED ELDER THE HARDEST JOB
(PART II)
When caregiving, it is important to eliminate from your life all the negative stresses that you can. This many times includes people that are stressful. Have you ever felt that someone was just draining your very life out of you?
Many years ago when Joyce became engaged she realized that her new sister-in-law was a very needy person. Her husband to be was very close to this sister, and Joyce knew that she would need to be available and supportive of this sister as well. The problem was that Joyce already had a very needy friend who called her multiple times a day with problems. This person was already taking a lot of her time and energy. In order to be there for her new sister-in-law; Joyce needed to simplify her life.
Beverly was always tired and nervous. When looking at the stressful people in her life she realized she always felt worse after a phone call from her mother. Her mother had always been very judgmental of Beverly and now found constant fault with Beverly’s husband and how Beverly was raising her children. Once Beverly determined to time limit the talks with her mother, and tell her mother when she was feeling stressed, with a “Sorry Mom I have to go, this conversation is making me feel bad.” Beverly started to feel better and had more energy.
When caregiving, whether it is answering the same question multiple times every 15 minutes, or providing hands on physical care, it is important to constantly re-evaluate your situation. Is there something that can be changed or eliminated?
Start with taking a piece of paper – put the date on it so you can track your progress. Make two columns, one for everything positive in your life. Use the other column for everything negative in your situation. The positives can be things that give you pleasure – taking a drive to look at the fall colors, spending time with a child, seeing your elder happy, enjoying a favorite food, and so on. The negatives, in the other column can give you an opportunity to correct what can be corrected once you have identified it.
Ralph was so hard of hearing that his wife was constantly yelling to him; he has a phone call, someone is at the door for him, it is time to eat, etc. Once his wife started doing this exercise she realized how stressful his hearing problem was for her. She investigated a wireless intercom system that included a speaker at the front door with a door bell. Yes his deafness continues to be problematic; however easing the situation with a few products from the hardware store makes life less stressful.
Providing direct care for your loved one may not be an option. However there may be many things in your life that offer other options, things you have been too stressed to see or consider.
Virginia Garberding R.N.
Author: Please Get To Know Me – Aging with Dignity and Relevance
Posted on October 1, 2012 - by Nurse Virginia
CAREGIVING STRESS – CARING FOR THE CONFUSED ELDER IS CALLED THE HARDEST JOB OF ALL FOR MANY REASONS
(PART I)
As the person cared for changes, so the job of caregiving is ever changing. Most people only recognize the enormity of this job when it becomes necessary to bathe, dress, and feed the elder. But all stages are difficult and challenging in their own way.
The first major stress – loss of reason.
Before the diagnosis, when the person is unable to reason and becomes “unreasonable,” this is very stressful for the care giver. Yes, when you are trying to make sense out of the senseless situation, you are already a caregiver. When you are trying to understand why you can no longer have a conversation where you go through all the options and decide on the best course of action, because one person is no longer able to reason, you are experiencing caregiver stress.
Second stress – now you have the crushing truth of a diagnosis and also are caregiving.
While the caregiver is trying to learn everything they can about this disease process, they also have to take care of the elder. Every school child knows how tiring it is to study. Concentration and learning depletes the brain of its oxygen and nutrition and makes you tired. Added to that stress, the grief of the knowledge that this condition will only get worse- not better. This places a huge stress on the caregiver.
During this time the caregiver still can hardly believe what they see before their eyes. The elder now has to be monitored at all times, because they have no safety awareness. Because the elder still looks so good the caregiver is also in the position of having to convince others that there is a disease process going on.
The third stage of caregiver stress – now you are providing hands on care.
Now the caregiver is having to not only select the clothes to be worn, but assist putting on and taking off those clothes. The elder now needs assistance with direct hygiene care, and resists this “help,” that they didn’t ask for and don’t want. Does this sound stressful?
Virginia Garberding R.N.
Director of Education, The Wealshire, Lincolnshire, Illinois
Author: Please Get To Know Me – Aging with Dignity and Relevance
Posted on August 16, 2012 - by Nurse Virginia
THE FAMILY CONTINUES TO BE THE PRIMARY DIRECT CAREGIVERS
Contrary to what many people think, most elderly people in the U.S. are being taken care of by a family member. When an elder has a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease the family usually provides about 80% of the care.
Problems resulting from this family commitment include:
- A large financial burden, maybe due to the loss of income for the direct caregiver, or the cost of bringing a caregiver into the home.
- The stress of now caring for a parent who was used to making the rules and providing care for the child.
- Stress between siblings if the direct caregiver feels they are doing too much and others should do more.
- Possible signs of exhaustion on the part of the direct caregiver.
- Feelings of neglect on the part of other family members and possible anger or resentment at the situation.
- Loss of sleep and privacy for the caregiver.
- Feelings of guilt if you are not the direct hands-on caregiver.
- Family friction over personal decisions and financial decisions.
Many times it is due to the collapse of the direct caregiver which brings the elder to a nursing community. An overly critical family member may just be a person who is feeling very guilty about their parents care and Nursing home placement. . Maintaining strong healthy family relationships is equally as important as the elder’s quality of care.
Families will go to extremes taking care of their loved ones. Nursing home placement is never the first choice. It continues to be thought of as the last resort for taking care of Mom or Dad.
Virginia Garberding R.N.
Director of Education, The Wealshire, Lincolnshire, Illinois
Author: Please Get To Know Me – Aging with Dignity and Relevance
- Help your elder find comfort, relevance and respect no matter how frail he or she is.
Find out why the quality of life depends so much on the family no matter who the direct caregiver may be.
Find out how to have a meaningful visit with your parent when they have dementia.
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