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Archive for July 15th, 2010


Posted on July 15, 2010 - by

VERBAL ABUSE – WHEN THE FAMILY MEMBER RAISES THEIR VOICE TO AN ELDER

“If you decide to become a zombie, that’s going to be up to you. Go ahead and sit in your room watching court TV all day, that’s on your head.”

“You can’t take care of anything. How old is the oldest chicken in your refrigerator? Nothing in there has a date on it.”

“You don’t need any money. What do you need any money for? Poof, it’s gone, now you don’t have to talk about it anymore.”

“I make all the decisions for you now, stop asking me the same question all the time.”

These statements were all made in anger to an elderly parent, when the child couldn’t take it anymore. Taking care of an elderly parent is certainly not for the faint of heart. It takes so much patience and understanding to answer the same question over and over. Sometimes it takes an outsider to identify for the family that the way they are talking to the elder is abusive.

The first time something inappropriate is said in anger, the child feels just terrible. However as with so many things that are shocking the first time you hear it.  After that first time it becomes easier and easier to vent your frustration verbally at the elder. It’s not only the angry words that are said, it also can be:

  • Tone of voice
  • Volume of speech
  • Body language

When words like “don’t”, “stop”, “no” or “can’t” are said with a negative tone and body language showing disgust, anger, or impatience, it is abusive. It is abusive, when the elder is made to feel like a naughty child that is being scolded. The elder then begins to feel even more fragile, needy and dysfunctional.

A clear sign that the elder may be suffering from verbal abuse is when an elderly person seems to be hesitant to talk openly. Especially, if the caregiver is present and the elder is able to respond but seems fearful to do so.

The elderly still need to be asked their opinion, make some decisions, and be able to voice their concerns.

If you would never stand by and listen to someone berate a child, you realize the need to step in when someone is talking inappropriately to the elderly.

Virginia Garberding, R.N.

Director of Education, The Wealshire, Lincolnshire, Illinois

Author: Please Get To Know Me – Aging with Dignity and Relevance

www.pleasegetoknowme.com